


Hold My Hand

by Fernon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cute, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Party Games, Post-High School, a walk through time, but also kinda angsty, childhood flashbacks, lame high school parties, stupid party games, there are more characters but theyre side characters so like whatever, this is kinda Fluffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 16:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17369759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernon/pseuds/Fernon
Summary: Jeonghan and Seungcheol are childhood friends, and completely oblivious. College is a real wake up call for the pair.





	Hold My Hand

**Author's Note:**

> So here's a little one shot I made, I know I have other things that I have started and should be writing (oops) but here you go! This was also finished at 2 in the morning and I don't edit things, so sorry for any errors. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

Seungcheol met him for the first time when he was 6, when they had the same teacher together for first grade. Seungcheol, who was a rather sensitive soul, was not shy, and bounced right over to the quiet boy, a big smile on his face, his eyes crinkling, and his chubby cheeks looking even chubbier.

“Hello! I’m Seungcheol!” Seungcheol stuck his pudgy little hand out for a handshake, like his father had taught him last week.

“Hi! I’m Jeonghan.” The other boy replied, his voice soft, but bright. Jeonghan questions the hand that Seungcheol is sticking out for him.

“It’s a handshake! My dad taught me that it’s polite, and you should use it when you first meet someone new!” Seungcheol explains. Jeonghan carefully takes Seungcheol’s hand, and Seungcheol shakes his hand happily. “It’s nice to meet you! Will you sit with me during reading time?”

“Sure…!” Jeonghan says, as a smile breaks out on his face.

“You have a nice smile, Jeonghan!” Seungcheol smiles brighter at the other boy, revealing a little gap where he had lost a tooth this weekend.

“Wow! You lost a tooth already?” Jeonghan looks at him in wonder.

“Yep! It’s my second one! The other one is over here!” Seungcheol points to the spot of a tooth he lost a few months ago, where a bigger tooth is now growing in.

“That’s so cool! I don’t even have a wiggly tooth…” Jeonghan says, a little quiet again.

“It’s okay! It’s because I turned six!” Seungcheol says proudly, as if he knows it all.

“I won’t be six for another few months. Maybe I’ll lose my teeth then!”

Jeonghan doesn’t lose his first tooth until he’s almost 7.

            The two boys sit together every day at lunch, and during story time, and they always try to be on the same teams in gym, and they always played together at recess, and hold hands in the hallway.

  * \-   -     -     -     -     -     -     -



Seungcheol is nine when he breaks his arm. Jeonghan isn’t there to talk him out of his stupid idea, instead he’s off pouting, and talking to his friend in the grade below him, named Wonwoo, who didn’t speak much, and was kind of a weird kid.

And Jeonghan is only pouting because Seungcheol made another friend in a cool older kid last week, whose name is Jooheon. Jooheon is a reckless boy, and he tends to perform daredevil acts, and roughhouse with other boys on the playground. He wasn’t a bad kid, just rambunctious.

But Jeonghan wouldn’t talk to Seungcheol, for Seungcheol was trying to be cool and play with Jooheon, and older boy, who wore the best jean jackets and always wore his hats backwards and was popular with everyone. Seungcheol tried to tell Jeonghan it’s just because Jooheon was the best at soccer, and Seungcheol wanted to learn how to be the best soccer player too, not to mention Jooheon had the best boxed lunches and he always traded them.

Today, Jooheon had challenged Seungcheol to see who could swing higher. Seungcheol obliged, obviously wanting to impress the older boy, and made his way to the swings, taking his spot on one, with Jooheon on the other, and started up on the swing.

Seungcheol got to a pretty high height, and Jooheon just laughed at him. “I’m still higher!” Jooheon exclaims. “I betcha won’t jump off from up here! Let’s see who can jump the farthest!”

Seungcheol was scared. Not that he’d admit it. But Jooheon didn’t think twice, he just let go of the swing on his way forward, and let his body slide forward off the swing with it’s momentum. He landed on the woodchips of the playground with a soft ‘oof’ and a little bit of a stumble and tumble, but he stood and smiled proudly.

“Now it’s your turn, Seungcheol! Do it!”

But Seungcheol was scared. And he could feel his heart racing in a little panic, and he shook his head. “Jooheon, I don’t think this is a good idea…”

“Seungcheol, don’t tell me you’re scared!” Jooheon laughs a little.

“N-no! Of course not…” Seungcheol swings back and forth a few more times, before he follows Jooheon’s actions, and lets go of the swing, letting his eyes close, and then he was free falling through the air, his body flailing a bit with panic.

And then he’s meeting the ground, chest first, with a sickening crunch of his arm, and then he’s crying, his face in the dirt and little wooden pieces, his hands and knees buffed with dirt and his clothes littered with tiny slivers of wood.

“Seungcheol?” a voice calls to Seungcheol, and he peels his eyes open, to see Jeonghan running over, and Seungcheol cries harder.

“Hannie…!” Seungcheol wails, clutching at his forearm, sobbing, and Jeonghan is crouching over him, shouting at Jooheon to get a teacher, and calling him a ‘big stupid-head’ somewhere in there, but Seungcheol just sits there on the ground, crying and dirt streaked.

“Shh! It’s okay, Cheollie! Here, let’s get you back on your feet!” Jeonghan stands and holds a hand out for Seungcheol to take, and Seungcheol lets out a tiny whimper, but grabs his hand with the arm that doesn’t hurt, and leans on Jeonghan, who slings an arm around his shoulders in support. “Mrs. Han! Seungcheol is hurt!” Jeonghan calls, guiding Seungcheol to where their teacher is, and she rushes over, seeing his arm is very clearly not okay.

“Let’s get you to the nurse, okay? And we’ll call your mom and dad, and they can take you to the hospital…”

Jeonghan cries and begs them to let him stay with Seungcheol, and they swing it so Jeonghan can come to the hospital with Seungcheol and his mother, and Seungcheol squeezes Jeonghan’s hand the whole car ride to the hospital.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

Seungcheol has his first real crush in middle school, and it’s on the goalie of the school’s soccer team. Seungcheol doesn’t really have a crisis over the fact that he likes a guy, in fact he’s okay with it. Seungcheol just figures that love is love, right? If you fall in love with a person then you fall in love with a person, not that he was really _in love_ as a 13-year-old in the early days of October of his eighth grade year.

He doesn’t really tell anyone, except Jeonghan. As his best friend of 7 years now, Seungcheol is terrified of Jeonghan’s reaction. It’s the only person whose approval actually means anything to him, because honestly, Seungcheol doesn’t know where he’d be without Jeonghan, or what he’d do if he didn’t have Jeonghan.

So one day, Seungcheol gathers enough courage to finally bring it up, while Jeonghan is over on a Sunday afternoon, and his parents are out running errands. Now, Jeonghan is helping him practice his English, they’re reading some stupid Shakespeare play, and Seungcheol can’t focus or sit still, with the thoughts of what he’s about to say running through his head. Seungcheol looks up from the same page of the book he’s been staring at blankly, to look at Jeonghan.

“Hannie? I like a boy.” Seungcheol blurts, nervous to see his best friend’s reaction. Jeonghan just looks up at him, blinking a little, as he was _actually_ absorbed in the material they were supposed to be reading.

“What?”

“…I have a crush on a boy… That’s- is that okay with you…?” Seungcheol is deathly afraid of Jeonghan’s reaction.

He’s not expecting a soft smile to break out on Jeonghan’s face, or for Jeonghan to gently take Seungcheol’s hand in his own. “Of course! It doesn’t change who you are. You’re still my best friend. And for the record… I don’t like girls.” Jeonghan giggles a little, giving Seungcheol’s hand a little reassuring pat. “So who is it?! Who is worth of _the_ Choi Seungcheol’s attention?”

Seungcheol feels his cheeks reddening. “Well, it’s… it’s actually Jaebum… the goalie? On the older team… We practice with them sometimes… I think he’s good looking.” Seungcheol mumbles, a bit sheepish.

“Ooooh! Im Jaebum?! Look at you, going for the older guys!” Jeonghan giggles. Seungcheol’s ears are red now, and he’s giggling with Jeonghan too.

“Well? Who do you have a crush on? Who was your first crush?” Seungcheol nudges him with his elbow, hoping to take the attention away from himself. He watches as Jeonghan just shrugs a little.

“No one, really. I used to have a crush on this guy that I do the musicals with, his name is Jimin. But he moved at the end of last school year.” Jeonghan explains.

“Well that sucks.” Seungcheol says.

“My violin lesson is in an hour, we’d better get back to studying, Cheollie… I’m glad you told me.” Jeonghan keeps his hand on Seungcheol’s for the rest of the hour they’re together.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

            Seungcheol has his first kiss at a stupid high school party when he’s fifteen and halfway through his sophomore year. It’s the Saturday before their winter break is going to start, and the captain of the football team- Seungcheol’s old crush, Jaebum, who’s a senior now- had invited him, and naturally, Seungcheol brought Jeonghan along. If Seungcheol was being honest, he wasn’t really sure about the whole ‘party scene,’ so he invited Jeonghan for some sort of comfort- not to mention he knew Joshua, the new exchange student from America would be there, AKA Jeonghan’s crush.

            Seungcheol had Jeonghan come over and help him get ready, which was just having Jeonghan pick out a nicer outfit than his usual t-shirt and jeans, or soccer gear. Jeonghan is definitely the more fashionable of the two of them. Tonight, Jeonghan showed up on Seungcheol’s doorstep in a teal turtleneck sweater, a pair of black skinny jeans, and teal green ankle boots. His hair, which he had declared he was growing out, just a few months ago, was a little bit wavy, and fell just short of his chin, had a thin white headband in it, for a small pop of light color.

Seungcheol leads Jeonghan upstairs and opens his closet for Jeonghan to pick out whatever he wants. Jeonghan tosses him a nice dark gray button down and a pair of Seungcheol’s dark blue jeans and picks out Seungcheol’s leather jacket from his closet.

            “There, is that all?” Jeonghan laughs a little.

            “Yeah, thanks…” Seungcheol feels his cheeks redden a little, feeling ridiculous that he wants to look _good_ for a bunch of his fellow stupid teenage classmates. Without a second thought, he’s stripping down to his underwear, not giving it a second thought. He changes in front of people all the time in the locker room before and after practice, and he and Jeonghan had had their fair share of sleepovers in the 9 years they’d been friends, so Jeonghan has seen this plenty of times, but when Seungcheol turns to grab his shirt, he catches Jeonghan staring at the floor, his face red.

            Seungcheol thinks nothing of it, he just dresses quickly and then turns to the mirror in his room and fluffs his hair a little, making it a bit messy, and turning back to Jeonghan. “Alright, now we just wait for Jaebum to pick us up.” Seungcheol smiles at Jeonghan, and grabs his phone and his wallet, shoving them in the pockets of his jacket, and slipping his favorite pair of sneakers on his feet.

            “Do you think there’s gonna be drinking?” Jeonghan asks, an eyebrow raised, wariness in his soft eyes. Seungcheol nods.

            “Yeah, but I’m not participating,” Seungcheol laughs a little. “It’s not good for your body, and I don’t want to get in trouble.”

            “What a goody two-shoes,” Jeonghan giggles and nudges him with his elbow. “It’s okay. I had a taste of some fancy wine and a sip of a craft beer at my uncle’s wedding this summer and they were both nasty. We won’t be missing much.”

            “Hey now! I’m not a goody two-shoes.” Seungcheol laughs, and they sit on the couch downstairs, waiting for Jaebum to arrive.

“So… Joshua is really supposed to be there? Do I look okay?” Jeonghan bites his lip, a habit he’s always had when he’s nervous, and stares at his hands in his lap.

“You look great, Hannie. Joshua will _definitely_ notice you. I’m sure you’ll be the best looking one at the party!” Seungcheol gives his old friend a genuine smile.

“Thanks, Cheol…” Jeonghan’s voice is soft and he’s smiling brightly at Seungcheol.

The two of them hear a beep outside, and they head out to see Jaebum’s beat up old red car, and Jaebum smiling out the window at them.

“Hey guys! Ready to _partyyyy?_ ” Jaebum laughs and Seungcheol can just make out the face of Jackson, one of Jaebum’s good friends in the passenger seat. They all exchange greetings, and Seungcheol and Jeonghan climb in the backseat, before they’re off to some senior’s party.

They arrive and Jaebum parks around the back of the house, and they head in through the back door, and are met with a group of at least 50 people in the kitchen and living room area, some crappy rap song playing too loud throughout the house, and the awful smell of sweat, and hormones. People dance in the living room, people hang around and drink in the kitchen, and people sit on the stairs to the upstairs, trying to talk to one another over the music.

“Seungcheol! I’m gonna be hanging out with Jackson and Mark, so just find one of us when you want to leave, yeah? I think Joshua and a couple other kids in your grade are over dancing, or possibly in the dining room playing some offensive game or something. Most of the soccer team is either dancing or in the kitchen with us.” Jaebum gives him a smile and then parts from him and Jeonghan, heading in the direction of the kitchen, leaving Seungcheol and Jeonghan standing near the back door, looking around like they’re lost.

“Alright, I guess we’d better find a couple other guys in our grade to hang out with.” Seungcheol laughs a little and Jeonghan nods, and the two of them embark through the house, looking for some more familiar faces. Seungcheol spots a few familiar faces in the crowd of dancing people, and makes his way to them, Jeonghan in tow, and he greets them happily. They dance in a small group for a while, laughing and talking about the party, and their Friday nights, and what they’ve had to drink already.

Seungcheol decides to depart from the dancing group and find something to drink, and Jeonghan follows closely behind him. They head to the kitchen and see some of the older kids laughing and standing around, chatting about things with red solo cups in hand. Seungcheol grabs two empty ones off the stack and heads to the kitchen sink, filling them with water, and handing one of them to Jeonghan.

“I doubt they’ve got anything else that hasn’t been spiked,” Seungcheol laughs. “Let’s go find Joshua, yeah?” And with that, Seungcheol is searching through the house to find Joshua, Jeonghan trailing behind nervously. They make their way to the dining room, to find Joshua leaning coolly against the wall, hanging out with a few of the members of the soccer team, as well as a few people that Seungcheol and Jeonghan sit with at lunch, in a group in the corner of the dining room. Another group of people are sitting around the table playing Cards Against Humanity and laughing loudly and drunkenly, and saying something about being bored.

“Hey guys!” Seungcheol smiles and slips right in with the crowd, laughing happily and making himself right at home, the players of his team greeting him loudly and patting his back, and they all introduce him to Joshua, and Seungcheol sticks his hand out for a handshake, a habit he’s always kept through all his years.

“Joshua! Nice to meet you. I’m Seungcheol, we have algebra and gym together. This is my friend, Jeonghan.” Seungcheol shakes hands with Joshua and smiles his most charismatic smile. He and Joshua hadn’t spoken before, typically Seungcheol sticks with Wonwoo, who’s in his algebra class despite only being a freshman; Wonwoo is an absolute genius. They became friends shortly after Seungcheol broke his arm in third grade, and that was Jeonghan’s doing.

“Ah, yeah! I know your name. You’re Jaebum’s friend, on the soccer team?” Joshua smiles at Seungcheol, who nods.

“Yes, that’s me! This is my friend Jeonghan.” Seungcheol smiles and gestures to Jeonghan, who smiles a little and waves at Joshua, saying a quiet hello. Joshua’s charismatic smile fades into something a bit more soft.

“Yeah, I know Jeonghan. I have chemistry and English with him. He’s pretty quiet. Hello, Jeonghan!” Joshua gives him a warm smile, and Jeonghan flushes the color of a cherry tomato. “You look really nice, Jeonghan…” Joshua’s smile grows a little bit sheepish, and Seungcheol beams, like he’s proud of his work.

“Thank you, Joshua. You look very handsome yourself.” Jeonghan is quiet, and it’s obvious he’s feeling shy.

“Thank you… Hey, would you, maybe… want to dance?”

“Uh, sure!” Jeonghan’s face breaks out in a smile, and Joshua leads him to where everyone is dancing. Seungcheol watches them go, and then turns back to his team members, who are getting invited to play whatever new game the other people in the room are beginning. Seungcheol is asked if he’ll play, and he gladly agrees.

But they’re leaving the table now and heading for another room. Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. What game requires them to go to another room? Seungcheol just shrugs and follows them, and the first few members of the group are already in the front hall, sitting on the floor by the stairs, and a few are shouting for the people on the stairs to join the game.

Seungcheol catches a few words- spin the bottle.

“Oh, fuck.” Seungcheol mumbles under his breath. Seungcheol sits begrudgingly beside his few teammates, and wonders just what is wrong with drunk teenagers, and why they’d consider playing this game.

Then Seungcheol remembers that he’s sober and about to play this game.

Seungcheol uses not knowing anyone else at this party as his excuse. That and not wanting to look like a chicken.

And so, the game begins. They sit there, giggling and letting out cheers when people have to kiss, or do some stupid dare, and they go on like this for almost half an hour, and somehow magically, Seungcheol is one of three people that the bottle _still_ hasn’t landed on. Seungcheol begins to zone out, yawning every now and then, off in his own world. It’s late, and Seungcheol is ready to go home.

He’s broken out of his thoughts when he hears people laughing and cheering his name, and he looks down to see the bottle has landed on him, of all people, and that a few of the other people playing have already left. Seungcheol looks around the circle for whoever he’s supposed to kiss, his body suddenly in a panic. Seungcheol has never kissed anyone before, and oh god what if it’s a girl, Seungcheol thinks that might just be gross, and what if the person expects Seungcheol to ask them out or something, since that’s how it goes in movies, like some cheesy romantic sort of a thing-

“Earth to Seungcheol. You good, dude?” Seungcheol’s eyes scan to find who’s talking, only to meet the eyes of a handsome 11th grader, whose name Seungcheol _thinks_ is Sehun, but all that Seungcheol can really confirm about him is that he’s a year older, he’s in the school’s dance club, and that he’s _hot._ Seungcheol’s face flushes.

“What? Sorry, I’m kinda tired…” Seungcheol says, his heart beating a hundred miles a minute.

“It landed on you. We have to kiss.” Sehun chuckles a little and leans over the person between him and Seungcheol and kisses him softly. Seungcheol lets his eyes close, not entirely sure what he should be doing with his lips, but he lets the other boy take charge and just follows his lead.

It’s not a long kiss, but it’s not just a short smooch, either. It’s slow and soft, and warm, and Seungcheol gets butterflies. Sehun moves back first, sitting back in his place. And everyone around the circle whoops and cheers, making Seungcheol go red all the way to his ears. Everyone laughs, and then Seungcheol has to spin the bottle now, and this time, much to Seungcheol’s horror, it lands on a girl. Seungcheol knows she’s in the grade below him, but he doesn’t know her name, nor any details about her. Seungcheol leans forward and gives her a very short, tiny kiss, and she just giggles and gets all pink-cheeked, and then spins the bottle.

Seungcheol decides he’s over the game, and departs from his soccer friends, and then goes searching for Jeonghan, or someone, at least, that he’s close with, that he can freak out with. Seungcheol just had his _first kiss_. This is _huge!_ Seungcheol checks back in the dining room for Jeonghan, and then the living room, and in the dancing crowd, but he still can’t find Jeonghan. He tries the kitchen and- bingo! There he stands, with Joshua, trying to dab something out of his sweater, and looking a little bit devastated.

“Hannie! I just- I just- what happened to your shirt?” Seungcheol tips his head a little in curiosity and confusion.

“Some idiot spilled their drink on me…” Jeonghan says. “This is my favorite sweater and it’s dry clean only, my mom is gonna be _so mad_ when I tell her we need to make an emergency trip to the dry cleaners…”

“Jeonghan, your sweater and the front of your jeans are ruined, you probably shouldn’t wear these, it’s cold outside and you’ll get sick…” Joshua says softly. That makes Jeonghan blush, probably because his crush is concerned for his health.

“It’s getting late anyways, Hannie, he’s right. We should just head home. I’m beat.” Seungcheol agrees.

“Alright… Thank you for dancing with me… And helping me clean the drink out of my sweater.” Jeonghan giggles a little and looks up at Joshua.

“I’ll go find Jaebum…” Seungcheol says to no one in particular, because Jeonghan and Joshua are in their own little world.  He slips from the kitchen and begins his search back through all the crowds, weaving through dancing people, checking the front hall where the game of spin the bottle has died, checking the staircase where people were chatting earlier, and makes his way back to the dining room. He turns to leave the front hall when someone grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“Seungcheol, hey, can I get your number?” Seungcheol is looking back up at Sehun again, and Sehun has a small, nervous smile on his face.

Seungcheol can only blink in surprise. “What?”

“Your number!” Sehun laughs lightly. “Man, you really are out of it!”

“Oh! Uh, yeah sure.” Seungcheol smiles at Sehun and pulls his phone out. The two of them exchange numbers, and then Seungcheol asks him if he’s seen Jaebum.

Seungcheol heads for the dining room, feeling over the moon, and a huge blushing mess, when he finds Jaebum. He informs Jaebum that he and Jeonghan are ready to go home, and Jaebum obliges, saying goodbye to his friends, and heading back to the kitchen. He collects Jeonghan from his little flirting fest, and then drives them both to Jeonghan’s house safely. Seungcheol thanks him and tells him he can walk home, since it’s just on the other end of the block, and Jaebum says goodbye.

“Seungcheol, I got Joshua’s number! He says he’ll call me in the morning! Can you believe it? He’s so freaking cute!” Jeonghan practically squeals as Seungcheol walks him to his front door. Seungcheol beams, really happy that the whole Joshua thing seems to be working in his best friend’s favor.

“That’s great, Jeonghan! We should have a sleepover at my house, mom won’t care. It’s late anyways, and I have stuff I want to talk about too!” Seungcheol offers.

“Alright! Let me go change!”

On the walk home, Seungcheol takes Jeonghan’s hand, and they walk together down the street.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

Seungcheol scores the most important goal of his whole soccer career on the night that the school recognizes their senior athletes, the same day that his dream college was scouting for new players. He’s in the midst of celebrating with his team, the younger boys all applauding their team captain, and Seungcheol brushing them off modestly.

“Really, guys, I couldn’t have done it without you! You’re the best team I could ask for!” Seungcheol smiles at his team, the boys who are like a family to him.

“Alright boys, that’s enough fooling around, let’s get cleaned up, alright? Then we can go get milkshakes to celebrate!” The coach laughs, and pats Seungcheol on the back. “Except you, Seungcheol. There’s someone who’d like to speak to you, kid.”

“But coach, I have to help clean up equipment-” Seungcheol starts to protest, but then a familiar face is strolling over, smiling.

“Hello! You must be Choi Seungcheol!” The man says. It’s the coach for Korea University. The _soccer coach_. Seungcheol is elated.

“Yes sir! That’s me! It’s nice to meet you!” Seungcheol holds his hand out for a handshake and it’s firm, and Seungcheol is glad his dad taught him that, because the coach seems impressed.

“What would you say to coming to our school and playing for us? We can work out scholarships and the formal invitation. I’d like to see a few of your practices, as well, and I know you’ve got good grades here. It’d be an honor for you to play with us.” The coach smiles almost proudly, at his offer, and Seungcheol feels like he’s going to shit himself.

“It would be an honor to play for your team, sir!” Seungcheol smiles brightly. The coach chats with him a bit more about several things, like forms and things, and informs him that he’ll be sending more information his way, hands him his business card, and leaves.

Seungcheol feels like he’s going to lose his mind, he’s so excited. His coach had mentioned milkshakes, and told Seungcheol he’d meet him at the restaurant, and Seungcheol sees his parents, and Jeonghan, and Joshua and Wonwoo all waiting for Seungcheol on the bleachers still, and he _runs_ harder than he’s ever run before, all the way over.

“Guys! You won’t believe it! Guess what I’m doing! Guess where I’m going!” Seungcheol shouts as he runs, his arms wide open, and he almost tackles his friends, he doesn’t slow down enough, and he hugs all three of them tight, and then his parents. “I got in! They want me to play for them!”

His mother and father laugh, cooing about how proud of him they are, and his friends all congratulate him.

“We’re going to get milkshakes; you guys should come!” Seungcheol offers, but his parents inform him that it’s late, and they’d like to get to bed soon, but they let him go out with the team. Seungcheol runs back to grab his bag of gear from the sideline, and then sprints to his car, challenging them all to a race as he zips past them, and they all laugh, hurrying after him.

Seungcheol gets to his car (the one he saved up for all on his own with his summer job) and tosses his bookbag in the trunk before starting the car. His friends all toss their bags in with his, and Jeonghan sits in the back with Joshua, Wonwoo taking shotgun. Seungcheol plugs his phone into the car and plays his favorite playlist and rolls all the windows down, despite the cool October air, and shouts the lyrics at the top of his lungs as he drives through town, eliciting some giggles from his lovebird best friends in the backseat, and a groan from Wonwoo, who was only into “the classics” as he called them.

But off they go, having a fantastic time anyways, all the way to the burger shop in town. Seungcheol buys the four of them dinner and milkshakes, and they all sit with the team and friends. It’s a wonderful night, and by the end of it, Seungcheol’s face hurts from smiling so much. Jeonghan is the last one of their friends he drops off, since they live on the same street, and after they drop Joshua off and make sure he gets to the door safely, Jeonghan looks over at Seungcheol.

“Mind if we go for a drive?” Jeonghan says quietly. Seungcheol’s smile fades a little, because usually Jeonghan only asks about going for a drive when something is wrong.

“Of course, Hannie.” Seungcheol gives him a small, understanding smile, and pulls out of Joshua’s driveway, and heads down the road.

They don’t say anything for a long while, just listen to Seungcheol’s quiet playlist together, and it’s not awkward, but it’s tense, since they both know something is wrong, but it hasn’t been put out there yet.

“Let’s go to the lookout, yeah?” Jeonghan asks, and Seungcheol agrees, taking a turn to head in the direction of the lookout. He drives down the backroads and up the big old hill, the road turning to gravel and dirt, and Seungcheol pulls up along the guard rail at the highest point the road goes to, and shuts the car off, letting his music play out loud quietly.

Jeonghan wastes no time getting out of the car and climbing onto the hood and then onto the roof of the car and laying down on his back to look up at the dark sky, clouds patching over the stars. Seungcheol grabs his hoodie and a blanket, and climbs up after him, laying next to him. They sit there again for a few minutes in the silence, the music playing softly.

“Korea University, eh?” Jeonghan’s voice is soft, and a small, wistful smile plays on his lips. “Still going for law, even if you’re gonna be a professional soccer player?”

Seungcheol lets out a short laugh at that. “Professional is a long shot. Yeah, I still intend to study law there.” Seungcheol says softly.

“That’s good… Joshua is going back to America when he graduates…”

“Yeah, he’s excited. I bet he misses it there.”

“He does… Seungcheol, remember my auditions? To Los Angeles College of Music? Well… They accepted me…”

“Jeonghan, they did!? That’s amazing!” Seungcheol sits up, nearly falling off his car. “I’m so proud of you! You’re so talented, Hannie!”

“The problem is, Cheol… I’m going… Joshua and I talked about it, we want to get an apartment together out there, and since I got accepted, it’s a lot more finalized…”

Seungcheol suddenly realizes what’s wrong. “Oh… You’re leaving.”

“Yeah, Seungcheol. I’m going away.” Jeonghan’s voice is quiet, and his voice is soft. “I hate to tell you this now, today, but you- you’re staying here, and I just- it really hit me, that it’s the first time we’d be apart in 13 whole years… That’s more than half our lives, Seungcheol. That’s like… I don’t know…”

“Yeah…” Seungcheol doesn’t know what to say, other than he’s filled with overwhelming sadness. “Hannie…” his voice is barely a whisper, and he feels like he’s going to cry.

“No, Cheol, don’t cry…” Jeonghan takes his hand, holding it tight, tighter than he’s ever held onto it. “Gosh, you’ve always been a big cry baby… Now I’m going to cry…” Jeonghan says.

“It’s stupid, we have until August, and it’s only October… Why am I crying now?” Seungcheol laughs, but it’s got undertones of bitterness and melancholy.

The two of them lay there on top of the car, sniffling and holding hands, tighter than they have before, like they’re afraid to let go.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

Ten months later, and Seungcheol is crying at the airport, hugging Jeonghan like he’s his husband leaving for war. They stay like that until the last call for Jeonghan to board his plane, and Seungcheol stares out the window at the terminal, watching Jeonghan’s plane make it’s way down the runway, and up into the sky. Seungcheol watches it fade into a speck in the distance, before he decides to leave.

He wants nothing more than to be holding Jeonghan’s hand again.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

Seungcheol is a month into college, and has only had four phone calls with Jeonghan, when he’s being hit on by a guy at some stupid ass frat party, and Seungcheol is internally criticizing everything wrong with this new guy. He’s too bold, too tall, too loud. Seungcheol hates his beard and his stupid accent, from wherever he’s from, and Seungcheol wishes he was just… softer. This guy is taller than he is, and he wishes the guy was the same height as him, like Jeonghan. He wishes the guy had soft skin like Jeonghan, without a damn hair on his chin, with kind eyes, and a heart shaped face, and long locks, just like Jeonghan, and-

Fuck. Seungcheol is in love with Jeonghan.

He’s not sure when it happened, or how it happened, but… It was Jeonghan. It always was, Seungcheol somehow knew deep in his subconscious. He missed him, deeply, and with his whole body. But Jeonghan had Joshua, and he had for almost three years now. Seungcheol couldn’t tell Jeonghan, no matter what.

So instead he calls Wonwoo.

“What, Seungcheol?”

“I’m in love with Jeonghan.”

“You’re what?”

“I like Jeonghan- I don’t know since when- I don’t know why. It just hit me when this asshole was flirting with me earlier- he’s _not Jeonghan._ I got so mad because he wasn’t just like Jeonghan, and-”

“Dude, that’s not news. We’ve all known this, for ages. The only ones that don’t see it are you and Jeonghan. Even Joshua saw that. It’s why it took so long for Jeonghan and Joshua to actually get together. Jeonghan called me one night crying because Joshua rejected him. Turns out, Joshua didn’t want to make you mad, or break up your guys’ friendship, because he thought you had feelings for Jeonghan.”

“Am I really that blind?”

“Yeah. And Jeonghan had liked you for ages himself. He first told me he had a crush on you when we were nine, and you started hanging out with Jooheon. And then he kinda quieted down about his crush until we were 13, and you came out. He sort of had a panic, but it was okay. And then Joshua happened, and I think he doesn’t like you anymore. I mean, he’s been heart eyes for Joshua for years, and that hasn’t changed.”

“Jesus, Wonwoo. I wish you would have told me before. Like way before. Now I can’t do a damn thing about it.” Seungcheol sighs sadly, and stares at his ceiling.

-     -     -     -     -     -     -     -

Seungcheol comes home for winter break with a huge smile on his face, and a national championship under his belt, and a 3.8 GPA. But a heart that ached for Jeonghan, whom he hadn’t heard from since October 14th, which was two and a half months ago. He wasn’t even posting on social media anymore, which worried Seungcheol, but to be fair, Seungcheol hadn’t been doing a whole lot of posting, himself. Soccer and projects and finals had kept him much too busy to really even be on social media. It’s after the holidays, in fact, it’s almost New Year’s Eve, and Seungcheol wants to get the gang back together again. He just hopes that Jeonghan decided to come home for the holidays. So, he texts their old group chat- Wonwoo, Jeonghan, Joshua, and a few of his old teammates, and plans a New Year’s Eve party.

Wonwoo is definitely a yes, he says, because he has nothing better to do since he’s home. Seungcheol gets a response from Jaebum, whom he hasn’t seen in forever, who gladly agrees to come. Sehun, Seungcheol’s ex-boyfriend, who ended up staying one of his closest friends, and Jisoo, and Hyejin and Wheein, three of his only girl friends, all of whom he met through Sehun, all of whom he used to sit with at lunch, all agree to come. Seungcheol also invites Soonyoung and Mingyu, fellow members of his high school soccer team, and Minghao, yet another member of the soccer team, who he made close friends with his senior year, who was an exchange student from China. They all agree to come, but Seungcheol hears nothing from Joshua and more importantly, Jeonghan.

But Seungcheol goes on with planning his party, and he spends the day before the party cleaning the hell out of his house, and then the day of he worries about making snacks and buying food and drinks for the party. He forced Wonwoo to help him with the last two days, and to get games ready, and create the ultimate party playlist.

It’s about 1 on New Year’s Eve, when he receives a text from Joshua, apologizing for not making it, but explaining that he’s still in America, and Seungcheol sighs. That means that Jeonghan is probably still with Joshua and wouldn’t be coming.

But Seungcheol busies himself with finishing the cookies that he was trying not to ruin. Seungcheol glances at the time and sees it’s almost three, and once the cookies come out of the oven, he’d have to clean the kitchen back up, and shower and get ready for the party. Not to mention putting all the snacks on plates and putting them out for people to eat.

So, for now, while the cookies are still in the oven, Seungcheol plops down on the couch, feeling beat. “Wonwoo… have you heard from Jeonghan lately?”

“No, actually. I don’t even know if he came home for break.” Wonwoo looks up from his phone, looking inquisitive. “Joshua said no to the party, right?”

“Yeah. And I figured that was a response for both him and Jeonghan… I fucking miss him, Wonwoo.”

“I know you do, Cheol. It sucks that he’s ghosted everyone. And that you’re in love with his dumbass.”

“Oh, shut up, Woo. Oh! The cookies are done!” Seungcheol drags himself off the couch and hurries to the kitchen to take the cookies from the oven, and shuts the oven off, setting them on the counter to cool, while he goes and takes a quick shower.

After a long shower, where he spends the whole thing thinking about where Jeonghan could be, and why he could possibly have dropped off the face of the Earth, he makes slips into his room with nothing but a towel around his waist, and stares into his closet, lost in his lack of fashion. He picks out his best jeans, and a button down, but then forgoes the button down and grabs a sweater instead, and then tosses the sweater aside and grabs a faded, 90’s-esque t-shirt with some American candy brand on it, with a collar that matches the label brand, making it stand out against it’s white background, and tucks it into his skinny jeans, and then throws a jean jacket over it.

Seungcheol stares at himself in the mirror, debating if it was childish or not. He just shrugs and goes out to the living area again, and asks Wonwoo, who shrugs, even worse at fashion than Seungcheol himself is. “Well you should probably go get dressed, Woo. The party starts in an hour and a half, you know.”

“Alright, you’re good to finish cleaning?”

“Yeah,” Seungcheol sighs and begins wiping down the counters, before he starts on the dishes, cleaning the few he used for making cookies, and putting them away. Wonwoo reappears, wearing ripped light blue skinny jeans, a black turtleneck, and a pair of wire rimmed circle glasses. He let his hair curl, and he’s looking extremely soft in comparison to his usual emo self. He opted for a pair of brown ankle boots, making the outfit a bit dressier than usual, and he tucked his damn shirt in.

“Well, you look put together. Like a hot librarian.” Seungcheol laughs, and Wonwoo scoffs.

“Yeah, okay, greaser boy. With your high-tops, you just need to roll up the hems of your jeans and you’ve nailed the look. You’ve even got the haircut for it, once you slick it back.” Wonwoo laughs a little.

Seungcheol laughs with him, and sees it’s almost 5:30 now, and he hurries to the bathroom to fix his hair, instructing Wonwoo to set the snacks out and answer the door for anyone who shows up early. He musses his hair up a little bit, and then uses his usual products to style it out of his face, and he looks at himself. A small part of him wishes he had Jeonghan there, telling him he looked fine, and that he was handsome as ever, but he doesn’t. And Jeonghan wouldn’t be coming, much to Seungcheol’s dismay.

Seungcheol is broken out of his thoughts when he hears the doorbell, and he hurries out of the bathroom to see who it is. Soonyoung is standing in the doorway with Mingyu and Minghao in tow, looking a bit sheepish, since he’s a bit early. Wonwoo is scolding Soonyoung about something, and Seungcheol catches the words ‘ _why does everyone think I look like a librarian’_ but Seungcheol beams at his friends.

“Hey! Long time no see!” Seungcheol opens his arms, and Soonyoung, being his usual energetic self runs and practically tackles Seungcheol.

“CHEOL! How is soccer? I heard you guys won a national title. Ooh, do you have a hot college boyfriend yet? What are frat parties like? I’ve heard frat guys are assholes, is that true? What about college girls, I hear they’re hot, especially where you’re going-” Soonyoung’s words come out in a rush, all his questions stumbling over one another, and Seungcheol laughs.

“Soonyoung, we have a whole night, not so many questions at once!” Seungcheol pats his back and then greets Minghao and Mingyu, and he can’t help but notice how pink Wonwoo’s cheeks are at the sight of Mingyu, who opted for a deep red button down, with the sleeves rolled up and the top three buttons undone, and a pair of nice black pants. He has his hair pushed back out of his face, and with his height, he looks like a damn model. Seungcheol instructs Mingyu and Minghao where to put their coats and shoes, if they’d like to remove their shoes, and takes that opportunity to raise an eyebrow at Wonwoo.

“Mingyu, eh?” Seungcheol smirks knowingly, and a pout appears on Wonwoo’s lips.

“Shut up, he’s too cool for me.” Wonwoo mutters. The next people to arrive are Hyejin and Wheein, and shortly after Jaebum and his girlfriend from college, whose name Seungcheol can’t remember for the life of him. Jaebum holds up a bunch of booze, with a smirk, telling Seungcheol that “it’s a holiday, and they have to have a toast.” Seungcheol isn’t disagreeing with this statement.

Sehun is fashionably late- almost an hour so, and he makes sure he arrives in a grand entrance, with a loud, “WHATS UP, BITCHES?” and a great deal of laughter from the group. They all chat for a while about their lives, Wonwoo’s ultimate party playlist playing in the background, snacking on food, and getting a little bit tipsy. It’s almost 9 when there’s a knock on the door, and Seungcheol’s brows furrow.

“Who the hell?” Seungcheol excuses himself from his conversation with Jisoo, and opens the door, to reveal a young man with platinum blond hair, dusting just past his eyebrows, a dusty-rose sweater, and white jeans. “Jeonghan?”

“Seungcheol!”

The voice that greets Seungcheol’s ears is like music, and then the man before him is hugging him tight.

“It’s so good to see you… I’m sorry I didn’t RSVP, I just- I didn’t think I was going to be here, I- I’ve been through a lot, and I’ve been pretty lost in life in general, and I just- I really didn’t think I’d come, but my mom, she told me it was good for me, and she made me get dressed and come here.”

Seungcheol is shocked, unsure of what to say, so he just hugs Jeonghan, tight again, like before. “I’m so glad to see you… I’ve missed you like crazy, you know that?” Seungcheol smiles a little to himself. “I thought you were still in LA with Josh…”

“N-no, actually, we- we broke up, a few months ago…” Jeonghan says softly. They’re interrupted by Wonwoo running over.

“Jeonghan! You bastard! How could you just drop off the face of the earth, and not text me! I’ve had to deal with all Seungcheol’s stupid crises, all by myself!” Wonwoo hugs Jeonghan, and the rest of the party wanders over to say hello to Jeonghan too, and then things feel more complete. It wasn’t exactly the same without Joshua, and with Jaebum instead, but it still felt more whole, and Seungcheol’s smile brightened for the night.

They drink more, getting closer to tipsy, and play a few rounds of some games, get overly competitive at Mario Kart, and eat like shit, but they all laugh, and tease one another, like it hasn’t been six months since they’ve all seen each other.

It’s 11:15 when a rosy-cheeked Jeonghan tugs on Seungcheol’s sleeve, and asks if they can slip somewhere quieter, telling Seungcheol he wants to explain himself. Seungcheol nods and goes upstairs to his room, and then opens the window, so they can sit on the porch roof outside his bedroom, like they used to when they were twelve, and then again on late nights when they were 18, and graduation was quickly approaching.

Seungcheol climbs out first, and then helps Jeonghan out, taking his hand gently, and holding onto it while they both sat down, but Jeonghan pulls his hand away, to hug his knees to his chest. They sit there in the cold and the quiet for a few minutes, watching the stars and watching their breath puff out in little clouds into the air, shoulder to shoulder, like nothing was different. Eventually, Jeonghan finally sighs, and speaks.

“I hated LA. I hated the school I chose, I hated my major, and I sucked at English. I was _drowning_ , Seungcheol. I couldn’t keep up, I could barely understand what my professors told me, and I was so confident beforehand, I thought I could do it, because compared to everyone I know here, my English was the best. But it’s different there, and I felt so fucking stupid. I loved my lessons, and I started learning piano, and my violin improved greatly, and I love it, and my singing, I improved my range, and learned such difficult pieces, but I got failing grades at recitals, because they terrified me.

“Joshua wasn’t helping much, he wasn’t as present as either of us expected him to be, and his grandmother fell ill, so if he wasn’t at school or working, he was there helping her, and taking care of her, and I hardly saw him for the whole first month of school. Then he announced that he needed to move back in with his family, which wasn’t a big deal, it’s not like it was on the other side of the world, it was just fifteen minutes down the road from the school, but Joshua grew distant from me, even them, and I got so damn homesick, and I got so depressed, and then I cut all my hair off and bleached the shit out of it… God this color is awful, and I miss having my hair long, but I don’t mind this length.

“Then Joshua and I broke up, because I wanted to come home, I couldn’t do school there, I was failing, despite my talent, and Joshua said he hated that it had to be this way, but we both agreed that he was too busy for a relationship anyways, now that his medical classes were getting more intense, and by the second week of October I was back here. And I hated myself for it. I flunked at college and dropped out after 6 weeks, and lost my boyfriend of almost three years, and I looked like a disaster with my hair like this, and none of my friends were around to talk to...

“I really couldn’t stand myself, and I felt weak. I didn’t want to get out of bed most mornings. I couldn’t bring myself to text my friends back. Finally, my mom dragged me out of bed a few weeks ago, and drove me around, and helped me pick up job applications, for the time being. I got a job at the burger restaurant, shortly before the holidays, and I don’t hate it. I’d definitely rather be doing something else, but at least it gives me something to get out of bed for. And I feel more productive, and I don’t hate myself as much.

“Mom also got me a cat for Christmas. I have full responsibility for her, her name is Momo. She gives me a reason to get out of bed too, because I know I’m responsible for the wellbeing and life of another creature. I’ve been happier the past couple weeks, really, but I’ve been ridden with anxiety. And then I got your text about this party, and my heart, it- fuck, Seungcheol, I’ve been in love with you since- hell, I don’t even know how long, and it comes and goes- or more like I repress it and forget about it as best as I can, but I haven’t felt it or let myself feel it for a long time, but I did, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

“I told my mom, and she told me I had to come to this. I still debated it for- fucking 48 hours, I was panicking and changing my mind about whether or not I was going to come and tell you everything, or just stay out of your life, and it was 6, and my mother dragged me out of bed- literally, she grabbed my arm and pulled me to my closet and tossed this outfit at me, and told me to shower and fix my hair, and that I was going to this party.

“I did as she said, but I cried for an hour when we were walking about the door, and she just hugged me and told me that you deserved an explanation, at least. And that got me to do it, and it took almost half an hour for my face to stop being puffy… And then I saw you in the doorway, and- Seungcheol, you’re beautiful as ever, like, holy shit, my first thought was ‘is that even Seungcheol, he’s not awkward and lanky anymore, he’s hot and toned and his hair is kinda sexy like that’ and then you said my name and I just- relief, hit me, like whatever I’ve been holding onto for so long just washed away…

“Seungcheol don’t leave me again…” Jeonghan looks at Seungcheol, who’d been silent this whole time, his eyes full of tears. “Please don’t leave me again…” Seungcheol feels his heart ache to see Jeonghan like this, and he grabs onto Jeonghan’s hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Hannie- _you_ left _me_ , but I won’t let you go again. I promise I won’t. I hated being so far from you, I hated when you stopped talking to me, but I _understand_ why… and I realized I’ve been in love with you, as cliché and stupid as that sounds… I was a month into college and it just- it hit me, like a brick, that- that I had liked you, and I didn’t realize it, and then I felt stupid because I couldn’t do anything about it…”

And then Jeonghan is hugging him again, crying quietly. Seungcheol holds him tight for a few minutes, until he stops crying. “Great, now _I’m_ the crybaby…” Jeonghan laughs a little, and moves away, sniffling a bit, and they sit there and stare between each other for a long while, letting words be said that can’t really be said out loud. Looks of understanding, and reassurance, and tenderness, and _love._

“OI! Guys, you’re going to miss the ball drop if you don’t get down here! It’s in five minutes!” Wonwoo’s face appears in the window behind them, and they turn to look at their drunk, curly-haired friend.

“We’re coming!” Jeonghan laughs a little and leads the way inside. “It was getting cold anyways.” Seungcheol climbs in after Jeonghan, and shuts the window, regretting leaving it open the whole time, because his room is cold now.

He follows Jeonghan downstairs and the party is how they left them, dancing like idiots now, to Wonwoo’s playlist, and they greet Jeonghan and Wonwoo with cheers.

“Finally! What were you two up to?” Jaebum laughs.

“Oh, just catching up.” Jeonghan smiles and shrugs, and then Jaebum’s girlfriend comes around and pours everyone drinks, so they can toast when the ball drops, and they all gather in close to the TV, watching the last few segments before the countdown begin. Soon, they’re all yelling out the numbers as loud as they can.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” they all cheer.

Seungcheol looks at Jeonghan, who smiles and pulls him close by the collar of his shirt, and kisses him softly. They break apart after a few moments of wonderful bliss and soft lips, all fireworks and happiness, both full of butterflies, and grinning stupidly at one another. Seungcheol tangles his fingers in Jeonghan’s, and is glad to be holding his hand once again.


End file.
